I am feeling morose. It’s not an uncommon thing. The Bible is loaded with plenty of examples: David, Job, Elijah, Solomon, Daniel, even Paul the Apostle all had moments of deep depression. As I write this, I just woke from a dream where I was standing alone on a piece of ground which separated in a huge upheaval from the ground where all my friends stood. I saw them looking at me with their mouths agape. “Bye Brian!” It was a titanic cataclysm, a world altering one, and I was carried by those forces away from all the others. Soon I was alone, clinging to my piece of ground when a mighty wall of water engulfed me. All I could think of as I sunk deep into massive tide, was… I forgot to take a breath. I decided it was too late to take one and then I woke up, momentarily puzzled.
That was it. That was the dream. What did it mean? I know precisely what it meant.
At this point in my life, I feel like forces too big for me to overcome have over powered me. They carry me; I cannot resist them. Deep in my unconscious lies the foolish idea that I can control and harness my life. I can manage things, overcome problems, change the attitudes of others. No I can’t. I’ve labored with all that I have for 15 years and changed the attitude of no one. Now this is not true but it feels like it is true. When something feels like it is true, then it might as well BE true for awhile.
Deja vu. This is a place I’ve been before and scratched on the wall I found the words “Brian was here….again.” Yes, I know this room. God will bring me here from time to time. I am His servant, doing His work, using His talents and living a life on loan from Him. My job is to remain faithful even when discouraged or tired or sad. Sigh…those words are easier to write than they are to do.
Well, the pity party is over. Thanks for coming.
Now I’m hungry. I’m gonna go make a muffin, with butter.
Galatians 2 20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (NASB)